My advanced psychosexual training promotes a holistic way or working with people who are experiencing sexual difficulties in their life or those who think that they may have a sexual dysfunction. My background in addiction has also led me to work with sexual addiction.
I will help you to understand your own sexuality, exploring with you your sexual issues in terms of their meaning and potential, helping you to make the right choices and to develop a good sexual self-esteem.
Working with sexual addiction
Having a sexual addiction and a compulsive personality can leave you feeling trapped and in danger of losing it all. Your job, your marriage, your relationships, your sense of self may suffer as a result. One way or another you’re true desires are not being met.
This can leave you in turmoil and despair as you feel that your life is getting out of control. It is difficult for you to form meaningful relationships. You feel isolated, ashamed and angry. This can leave you feeling very mistrustful of help. You find it hard to regulate your sexual behaviour despite all the negative consequences. You can use your compulsive behaviours in order not to feel shame to evade your low sense of self and to assuage your anger that you may have about your past. Your compulsive behaviours you feel will relieve your for a while at least from stress and anxieties.
Individual therapy along with a support group will help you to lead a sexually healthy life by looking at the issues that underpin this addiction.
Allowing you to share your experiences in a non threatening and supportive environment could alleviate feelings of isolation. Therapy can teach you to correct your thoughts, beliefs and feelings that lead to the sexual behaviour. You can gain a better understanding of your urges and can prevent relapses into unhealthy behaviour. We can look at triggers that reinforce actions related to sexual addiction and find ways to short circuit this process.
Therapy can teach you to identify high risk situations subsuming sexual behaviours for less harmful behaviours as these behaviours create shame and despair. The sexual” acting out” is often a release from difficult feelings that people do not know how to manage and is a way of disconnecting from themselves.
Therapy can create a space that allows you to learn to be vulnerable. You can manage your own vulnerabilities without acting them out. You can begin to identify feelings connected to this behaviour and recognise that this is a maladaptive way of coping with your emotions. I believe that this is a way to meet your needs externally which provides short term relief for your survival and sense of self.
Therapy can help you look at the bigger picture as this can often be a complex web that develops in childhood often due to a lack of attachment with a primary carer. You can begin to feel that your emotions are being validated as the therapy could help you to articulate emotions and help you to understand your inner world. Therapy can help you to identify some for your core issues and begin to work through these to allow for self acceptance and well being.
Working with desire and arousal
Desire
“Desire is not just the impulse that leads up to the bedroom; it is also the pulse that keeps us alive”
This can affect both men and women and is a common problem amongst couples. It can be seen as the result of the active pace at which our society runs. Desire can ebb in a relationship causing worry and feelings of inadequacy for both partners. It is possible to recapture your sexual desire and by identifying the problem it will bring you a step closer to overcoming it.
Loss of sexual desire can cause both partners to experience negative thoughts about their own attractiveness. There are several areas that could be explored in the therapy such as:
Relationships
There may be an underlying problem you are afraid to discuss, which is having an adverse affect on sexual desire then the problem can be solved through communication and being truthful and therapy is a good way to help address these issues openly.
Stress
Stresses such as money difficulties or work life balance can affect sexual desire. Communication is key and I can help you as an individual or as a couple to communicate in affective manner.
Low self esteem
If you are uncomfortable with the way you look or the way you feel it can be difficult to become sexually aroused; this can affect your partner’s confidence if you hide the problem. A therapist can help you to address and overcome any body issues that you may have.
Depression
If you are experiencing feelings of depression this can have a major impact on sexual desire. This can affect you as well as your partner and therapy can help to identify the root of the depression.
Drugs and Alcohol
Both can have an effect on your desire as drugs and alcohol can be used to overcome lack of confidence and shyness. This is more likely to cause problems or an erectile dysfunction. The desire for your next hit or your next drink can cause sexual desire to be forgotten.